Disclaimer

So you’re thinking about going to next year’s Comic Con in San Diego? You’re probably that guy who sits on io9 all day at work reading updates, to then go home and watch G4 all night while reading twitter updates, but that’s enough, you need to fuckin GO! You wanna be the dude in your D&D group that calls bullshit on the DM’s assessment of the new Hobbit movie cause you were fuckin THERE. You wanna see the booth girls, maybe even talk to the cosplayers. You wanna be THAT guy who got his picture taken with Sam Raimi’s brother…what ever his name is, on the exhibit floor so that you can have it as your phone’s wall paper forever and ever. In fact, your life will not be COMPLETE until you GO to Comic Con and run around with the other 124,999 Faulknerian idiot man children! Is this you? Is it?

Well, if it is then go fuck yourself and get the fuck gone. Go. Seriously, I’m not writing this for you…I’m serious, you need to leave, you people are ridiculous. It took every ounce of will power not beat the shit out of you with your own lightsaber at the 2009 show. Go…before I make you talk to a girl.

This guide is for those of you for whom it may be necessary to go. Those people looking to break into the industry who need to make contacts with editors, solicit critiques, etc. It’s also for the socially adventurous of you, the ones that like to see crazy shit, get some good stories to tell and who enjoy new experiences. You, the one’s this is for, you are the kind of people who have common sense, who have basic social skills and bathe regularly. Normal people, at least normal relative to what you’ll be around…which might not make sense right now, but if you go you’ll understand.

Over the next little while, I’ll be dispensing the pearls of wisdom I picked up at the 2009 Comic Con. This was my first time attending, so I am by no means a veteran, I was however one of the VERY few calm, objective, and socially considerate individuals in attendance which puts me in a position to at least discuss what I saw and did.